Why do books, movies and other forms of media romanticize and glorify toxic relationships? The truth is that poor relationship dynamics are showcased everywhere; from fiction to our parents and adults around us. The reconciliation of these couples is usually seen as a happy ending and a lot of the grievances that made the relationship problematic in the first place, go unaddressed.
Most teens want to be seen as adults and therefore they desperately try to model the behaviours that adults portray and unfortunately this includes toxic and abusive relationships. They see relatives, friends and the media not only tolerating this behaviour, but also glorifying it. As a result, it was only normal to expect that this toxic form of love was the one we should seek for in the future. In fact, the biggest trope that we are constantly exposed to is the ‘all-consuming love’ and many of us see this as the only way to be in a relationship when in actuality it's a toxic mindset. A perfect example of this popular trope is Joe Goldberg in the popular show ‘You’ and how all of his actions and like murder, obsession and stalking are justified because fans romanticized his mental illness.
Sometimes, people even stay in relationships that they know are risky and toxic because of the thrill of the romantic attraction. While deep down they understand that it's wrong, I think romanticization is a defence mechanism to enable them to gloss over their guilt in staying in a troubled relationship. Sometimes it could also just be like walking in this warm blanket of familiarity. That feeling of comfort washes over you and becomes very hard to snap out of.
Romance stems from your brain and has to do with survival. There's a condition called love addiction which stems from insecurity-attachment. Our nervous system forms connections with others and makes us feel good. Love addicts could have also suffered a lot of neglect in their life and this is their way of making up for it- by escaping pain through fantasy. A love addict could just be a little girl who's always ‘in love’ when in reality it wasn't love, she was just desperate to connect with somebody and was addicted to dopamine and other love hormones. She hadn't ever felt comfortable alone, so she began idealising others in order to fulfil her fantasy of being protected by them. When she gets into a relationship she completely dedicates herself to her partner and loses herself in the process. She confuses intensity with love.
Don't get me wrong, I romanticize on-screen relationships too, many of the time because of the way it’s portrayed but I know that the toxicity cannot make a place in my reality or anybody else’s and so I have to remind myself that what a toxic relationship does to people is terrifying. It creates codependency between the two people involved. It's just like an addict and the substance. The codependency is sickening. It doesn't even matter what damage the relationship causes because the actual scary part is that these relationships are still glorified and romanticized.
Comments